Tales of Fatherhood (One-Shot)
by LadyClassical
Summary: Father-to-be Sirius wants to make a crib for his baby with love, not magic, but only succeeds in hammering his fingers. So he seeks out the baby's maternal grandfather, who is a Muggle, for help...and possibly some advice, as well. (Outtake from "Harry Potter and the Dogfather". Sirius's POV.)


With a roar, Sirius's flying motorcycle landed on the pavement in front of what he knew to be the building where his girlfriend Barbara's parents lived. She had given him their address, although since the crib was supposed to be a surprise, he hadn't told her why.

Sirius landed, parked, and turned off the Invisibility Booster. Then he took his gift out of his enchanted pockets.

Sirius's pockets were bewitched to hold not just normal things like his wallet and keys, but also any manner of things he wanted to shove in there, including (among other things) a change of clothes, luggage, a telephone, Harry's stuffed reindeer toy, food, and in this case, a ship-in-a-bottle. That had also been Harry's idea, and Sirius could quote, "Older men love crap like that."

But would he? Sirius walked into the building and rode all the way up to the fourth floor, where Officer and Mrs. Raffelovich lived. Barbara had told him her mother's favorite flowers were tulips, so Sirius performed one of his special spells, _Orchideous_ , and produced a bouquet of tulips. Sirius knew never to call on a lady without flowers.

Sirius felt incredibly nervous as he walked to the door of the Raffelovich family's flat and knocked twice on the door. Instead of his biker gear, he was wearing a crisp white button-down shirt and a red-and-gold Gryffindor tie; he also had dress pants, dress socks and dress shoes. He knew James would have said he looked like an overgrown schoolboy, and he personally agreed, but looking like an overgrown schoolboy was better than looking like someone Officer Raffelovich would like to put in handcuffs.

The door swung open and there was Barbara's father, Officer Raffelovich, still in his police uniform. Maybe he had just finished patrolling? Sirius quickly held the ship-in-a-bottle behind his back; for some reason, he wanted to wait.

"I-I brought these for Mrs. Raffelovich," he said, stumbling over his words. "Did you have a good shift?"

Sirius wasn't taking his eyes off the gun in Officer Raffelovich's belt. It was the first time he had ever seen a gun in person. He didn't know what it felt like to be shot by one, and he didn't want to find out.

"Oh, yes, wonderful," Officer Raffelovich said sarcastically. "Just a convenience store being held up and then some drug-smuggling scum. Pleasant."

"At least nobody died," said Sirius. He was sure Officer Raffelovich could sense the fear in his voice. Barbara was the only girlfriend of Sirius's whose father he had ever met.

Officer Raffelovich glared.

"I brought you a gift," Sirius offered, holding out the ship-in-a-bottle, wishing he wouldn't sweat so much. He didn't want pit stains on his nice white shirt.

"Why…a ship-in-a-bottle?" Officer Raffelovich's eyes widened.

"It's okay if you don't like it," Sirius said helplessly. "I just thought…an original gift, y'know…"

"No, it's just…" Officer Raffelovich opened the door and gestured for Sirius to come inside. "How on Earth did you know?"

Sirius's mouth fell open in shock. Officer Raffelovich had _loads_ of ships-in-bottles. Sinking ones, ones with flags, ones with sails, submarines…It was an impressive collection. Officer Raffelovich gingerly took the newest addition out of Sirius's arms.

"None of the ships in my collection are as beautiful as this one," he said admiringly. "My grandfather had one like this when I was just a boy. Wherever did you find it?"

"Antiques shop," Sirius said, shrugging. Actually, he had conjured it out of thin air, but of course he couldn't tell Officer Raffelovich that.

Officer Raffelovich set the ship-in-a-bottle on the mantle over the fireplace, then grabbed the flowers.

"And you say these are for my wife?" he continued. "How did you know tulips are her favorites?"

"Barbara told me," said Sirius. "She didn't tell me about the ships-in-bottles, though."

"That's because she thinks it's embarrassing," Officer Raffelovich explained. "Whenever she had her friends over as a teenager, she always hid my ships so nobody could see them."

"I think these are awesome," Sirius said. "I guess you and Barbara have different tastes. She's got no problem digging into some bacon, for example—"

"What?!" Officer Raffelovich suddenly looked furious. "Barbara has told us not a molecule of pork has ever touched her lips!"

Sirius suddenly wanted to evaporate on the spot. Oh no…this was a disaster…But then Officer Raffelovich laughed.

"I'm just _joking_ ," he said. "We know Barbara stopped keeping Kosher four years ago. Listen, son, would it make you feel better if I took my shotgun out of my belt?"

"Loads," Sirius said in relief. "Thank you."

"Gwen!" Officer Raffelovich called, taking the gun off his belt and setting it on the mantle next to the new ship. "Guess who's here…"

"Sirius!" Gwendolyn Raffelovich beamed. Sirius knew she had suddenly liked him a lot more ever since she found out he was rich. "How nice of you to drop by!"

"Tulips, Gwen," said Officer Raffelovich, handing them to her. "Your favorites."

"These tulips are just beautiful!" Mrs. Raffelovich sniffed them deeply. "Now, can I get you two men anything to drink?"

"Brandy for me, please, darling," said Officer Raffelovich. "You?"

Sirius really wanted an alcoholic drink, mainly to ease the tension of the meeting. But last time he and Officer Raffelovich had been together, Sirius had knocked back five Singapore Slings in the space of two hours. He had gotten really, really drunk and kind of felt guilty about it, especially because he was going to be a father soon. He should have liked to not take anything, but he knew it would be rude to refuse Mrs. Raffelovich's hospitality.

"Just—just water, please," he told her through clenched teeth.

"Unbelievable," said Officer Raffelovich. "When we all went out to dinner together, you definitely would have failed the test if I'd had my Breathalyzer on me."

Sirius had no clue what a Breathalyzer was, but he decided he probably shouldn't ask.

"I've been trying to kick my drinking habit," he said. "I need to be more responsible if I'm going to be a good father. I'm not an alcoholic, but I can be a heavy drinker at times of weakness. I just need to stop turning to alcohol when what I really need is a hug."

That last part was actually just something Sirius had heard his psychiatrist, Dr. Stefansen, say, but it seemed to work with Officer Raffelovich.

"An honorable cause," he replied quietly. "If we had less drunk-drivers on the streets, my job would be that much easier."

"I've _never_ driven drunk," Sirius said honestly.

"Anyway…" Officer Raffelovich sighed. "I'm guessing you didn't stop by just to say hello. What did you need?"

"Well, it's just…" Sirius bit his lip. "I-I wanted to make a crib, as a gift for the baby, and as a surprise for Barbara when we move into our new house. But I'm not handy at all…I don't know where to start…I was wondering if maybe you could help."

Officer Raffelovich stopped dead in his tracks. He stared into Sirius's eyes. It seemed like ages until he finally spoke, his words so quiet Sirius could hardly hear them.

"You…you really are in this for the long run, aren't you?" he whispered.

"Of course I am," said Sirius. "What made you think I wasn't?"

"Didn't Barbara tell you about Jackson?"

"Well, yes, but I'm not Jackson," Sirius reminded him. "Why does everyone think I'll leave like he did? On the contrary, I think if you and I ever saw Jackson again, maybe the two of us could take turns beating him to a bloody pulp. Barbara told me you gave him a bloody nose."

"Actually, I broke that son-of-a-bitch's nose," Officer Raffelovich said. "I'd have loved to run him in for sex offender charges, but unfortunately, she let him do… _that_ …to her."

"Trust me," said Sirius, "I don't like thinking about it any more than you do."

"To be honest, when I first found out she was pregnant again, I could have shot you," Officer Raffelovich told him. "But then…but then you _stayed_. You came home from that school you teach at to see her. You gave her that medicine to get rid of her hyperemesis gravidarum. You went to the sonogram with her. Hell, you even gave up drinking for her and the baby, and I know how hard that must be."

"It's really hard," Sirius admitted. "But the thought of my family is enough to keep me from falling off the wagon."

"Just the start is something," Officer Raffelovich replied. "Now, about that crib…My father owns a farm in the country. We might go there to get the wood, and he's excellent at building things. He even built his own house. It's a bit of a drive, but we should be there in about three hours. He lives in Yorkshire."

"I've always wanted to see Yorkshire," said Sirius truthfully. He hadn't seen much of the world, and he was eager to, now that his name was cleared.

"Well, you're going to," said Officer Raffelovich.

And soon enough, there they were in the patrol car, driving along. The silence was awful, but when they stopped at a red light, it became almost unbearable. To break the tension more than anything, Sirius pointed out a restaurant to the right side of the road. It stood out from the other shops, mostly because it had a long line of people waiting to get in, so long it spilled out the door.

"I haven't seen that place around here before," Sirius commented. "What is it?"

"Reggie's Pizza Empire," Officer Raffelovich replied. "The only place in England where you can get deep dish pizza."

"What's deep dish?"

"It's a special kind of pizza they only have in America," Officer Raffelovich said. "That is, until Reggie brought it to England. The shop opened up last January and it's taken London by storm. They're thinking of opening another one on the other side of London in June."

"Maybe we could eat there on the way back," Sirius offered.

"Wish I could," said Officer Raffelovich. "But you need to make a reservation at least a day in advance for that place. It's always packed. I don't know how Reggie gets through the day without tearing his hair out, the poor bloke."

"But he's an American, isn't he?"

"Yep." Officer Raffelovich nodded. "It's like a little piece of his native Chicago, brought over to England. There's nothing like a nice deep-dish pizza with Polish sausage to satisfy your hunger."

Sirius was vaguely curious about Reggie's Pizza Empire, and he thought maybe he should like to eat there someday, but the overcrowded pizza parlor was put out of his mind when the light finally changed and they were driving again, out of London and towards the countryside. His nerves were coming back, too. He secretly wished they could drive with the siren on, because that might be fun, plus they could go through red lights, but he thought it might seem childish to ask. So instead, he tried to ask something more mature.

"Officer Raffelovich—" Sirius began.

"You can call me Robert, you know," he said.

"Okay. Robert…" Sirius took a deep breath in. "I just wanted to know…what did you first think? You know, when you first found out Mrs. Raffelovich was pregnant with Barbara?"

"Well, we'd been trying to have a baby, so I expect it was less of, well, less of a _shock_ for us than it was for you," said Robert, looking sideways at Sirius. "But no matter how hard you're trying for a baby, you're still pleasantly surprised…She called the non-emergency hotline and asked for me, and I teared up right there in the station. They let me go home early to see her. We were just so _happy_ to finally be parents."

Sirius didn't think he should tell Robert he was nervous about fatherhood. It seemed Robert had been totally prepared for it.

"You know, Black, you can relax already," Robert said finally. "You're riding in the front seat. Did I tell you about your right to remain silent or something?"

"No," said Sirius, remembering the day the magical authorities had led him away. That was another thing he hadn't told Robert about—that he used to be in prison. Would Robert even believe that he had been framed? For all those years, nobody had.

"I think," said Robert, "we can all agree that the moment the baby is conceived, that is, the moment the mother becomes pregnant, is when the woman becomes a mother—that, I suppose, or the day the baby is born."

"Yeah," said Sirius. "So?"

"Well, throughout history, motherhood has been pretty clear that way, because of course the mothers carry the children inside them for all those months," Robert replied. "But fathers, like you and me? We don't. So that's why the line on fatherhood can be so much fuzzier. There's a moment in every father's life when he transforms from just a man who impregnated a woman to a real father, and that moment often is not when the baby takes its first breath of life, or even when you hold the baby for the first time and she wraps her little baby hand around your finger and she stares up into your eyes and they're the exact same hazel as yours…" Robert cleared his throat. "Sorry."

"That's okay," said Sirius. "If you don't mind me asking…when was that moment for you? After twenty-five years, you must know…"

"I do," said Robert. "I knew it the moment it happened to me."

"What was it?" asked Sirius.

"Naturally, it was a moment when I was on the force," Robert began. "You see, Gwen was about twenty weeks along, and we had just found out the weekend before that we were going to have a little girl. Anyway, only a couple nights later, when I was on-duty, I found myself facing a drug dealer. And the minute he saw me, he drew a .22-caliber rifle on me. Now, no regular bulletproof vest is going to protect much against that."

Sirius thought of what he might do if someone drew a wand on him. Before, it was easy. He would just duel them. But now…would he really be above just begging for his life? If he died, who would look after Barbara and Harry and the new baby? _Please_ … _I have a girlfriend and two kids…Dads don't duel_ …

"The bullet ended up in my ribs," said Robert. "That hurt more than anything you could possibly imagine. Thank goodness I had another police officer on hand to call for the ambulance…I was sure I'd be DOA—"

"What's DOA?"

"Dead on arrival," said Robert darkly. "As they were strapping me in and putting me into the back of the ambulance…I just couldn't give up hope, not with Gwen and little Barbara, who I hadn't even gotten to meet yet. So I prayed… _Please, God, let me live long enough to meet my baby girl_. It was all I was wishing before I blacked out. Next thing you know, I had woken up in the hospital and there was Gwen and all the doctors and the police, and they said I gave them quite a scare, but I would be all right."

"What happened to the guy who shot you?" Sirius asked.

"They booked him." Robert sighed and nodded. "That bullet is still in me. In my ribcage. But anyway, it was at that moment…when I realized I was going to live, and Gwen held me close and we both felt little Barbara kick…I think that was the moment I became a father. Something really just clicked then."

Sirius just didn't know what to say after hearing an amazing story like that. Robert smiled at him for a moment.

"So," he said, "did you have a moment like that?"

Another memory, then, was rising to the surface of Sirius's mind…

" _I've never seen Barbara so emotional," said Harry, once Barbara had disappeared into the bedroom._

" _I guess it's because she's pregnant," said Sirius, shrugging. "It seems you just have to let her get it out. Since I'm not the one in the family way, I might as well try to make it easier for her."_

" _How do you know?" Harry asked._

" _Well, I checked out a book on it from the Muggle library," Sirius told him. "And even though most of that stuff I didn't know, it was really quite amazing. I remember I was reading about this hormone that's designed to keep the baby safe when it's really small, and for some reason it struck me so hard right then. Like this chemical thingy is designed just for that purpose, so that a tiny unborn baby, just the size of your fingertip, will be safe. And even though it doesn't always go okay, just the fact that the human body is capable of something like that…well, life really is a miracle. From now on, I don't think I'll be able to take one single breath for granted ever again."_

Sirius told Robert about this realization.

"It wasn't anything near-fatal, like your story," said Sirius. "But still, before that I guess I thought pregnancy was…some sort of accident, you know? Or something that Barbara might not be able to deal with. But then, reading that, I realized that you may call it an accident for a couple like Barbara and myself, since we weren't planning for a baby per se, but it isn't an accident or a foreign intruder or some kind of parasite. It's the most natural thing in the world. And her body is already built for it."

"You know, at first I wasn't sure if I approved of you, Mr. Black," said Robert. "I suppose it wasn't really your fault—Barbara hasn't exactly had the best taste in boyfriends in the past. But I should've given you a chance. I'm glad I did. Because, as they say, ding-dong, I was wrong."

"I can understand, now, though," Sirius told him. "I'm sure with my own kid I'll feel the same way. You just love Barbara a real lot…and you want to make sure she's well taken care of."

"That's why the father walks the bride up the aisle," Robert explained. "To give her away to the groom."

"You don't have to worry, though…Robert," Sirius told him. "I mean, it's more to me than just not abandoning her. I'll do anything for her. I understand that when she gets a little bit more pregnant, she won't be able to do stuff like tie her shoes or buy groceries or maybe even sit up…so I can do all that for her."

"I must warn you," said Robert, "when Gwen was really pregnant, she couldn't even get up off the toilet sometimes."

"Like I said," Sirius repeated, "I'll do _anything_."

Robert smiled and kept driving. After some time, he asked, "Have you talked to your own father about any of this, Mr. Black?"

"Can't," said Sirius shortly. "He died when I was nineteen."

"Dear God, that's horrible." Robert looked shocked. "I'm so sorry. No one should have to lose their father that young."

"It's okay," Sirius mumbled. "My dad was never around, anyway."

Robert pursed his lips and sighed. He looked sympathetic to Sirius.

"I suppose I was lucky," he said. "My dad was around all the time. He taught me the importance of hard work, dedication and family. And when you grow up on the farm, like I did, hard work is definitely a big part of your life."

"And your dad's still around," said Sirius. "He's going to be on the farm, isn't he?"

"Yes." Robert nodded. "My mother will be, too. We'll surprise them. It's funny because Dad's always teasing me about being one of the 'city folk', but he and my mother always love to see their family."

"Well, I'm glad," Sirius said. "Every baby needs a loving family."

…

After a lot of driving, they finally arrived at Robert's father's farm in Yorkshire. Sirius was eager to leave his seat after sitting in the car for so long. He could count the number of car rides he had taken in his life on one hand, and in any case, those had been magical cars. They had ways of getting to places faster than Muggle cars did (leapfrogging traffic, for example, or shrinking between cars). Sirius had traveled all-Muggle. It was kind of cool, in a way, but it also gave him extreme butt stiffness, which he could live without.

"You okay?" Robert asked, looking slightly concerned.

"Yeah," said Sirius, who could barely walk. "I just don't usually go on car rides this long."

"Well, focus more on the farm!" said Robert, gesturing.

Sirius was impressed. Robert's father's farm really was beautiful. It was just like the quaint farms he saw when he watched TV with Harry (which they had done a lot of at the Dursleys' before Harry had moved out). There was a barn, cows crazing peacefully in the fields, massive rows of corn, and a farmhouse. There were even some woods on the property.

"OY! DAD!" Robert called. "SURPRISE!"

"Robbie boy!"

Sirius then spotted the old man who could only be Robert's father. He was wearing denim overalls, a plaid shirt, work boots and a hat. His fingers were red and raw from working hard.

"It's planting season," he said. "Did you come here to help?"

"Actually, Dad, I came with a DIY wood-building project," Robert said brightly. "You see…you're going to be a great-grandfather. Surprise!"

"What?!" Robert's father looked shocked. "Oh—wait until I tell Rachel!"

"Rachel?" said Sirius. "Is that your mother?"

"Yeah," said Robert. "My dad's Richard."

Just then, Robert and his parents came rushing out of the house. Robert's mother had tears streaming from her eyes.

"Is it true?" she gasped. "Am I going to be a great-grandma?"

"The greatest grandma ever!" Sirius said jokingly.

"Aw, hug it out!" she said tearfully, and embraced him. Her hug was very tight.

"Where's Randy, Dad?" asked Robert.

"Working in the fields." Richard gestured towards their long cornrows. "Likes the quiet life, Randy."

"Who's Randy?" Sirius asked.

"My younger brother," Robert explained. "He still helps Dad on the farm."

"These old bones aren't what they used to be," said Richard, shrugging, but smiling.

"Mr. and Mrs. Raffelovich," Sirius began as politely as he could, but Rachel cut him off.

"You just call us Mama and Papa, dear," she said, reaching up to give his shoulder a little pat. She had to stand on her tiptoes, because Sirius was a good six or seven inches taller than she was.

"Wow, you sure are nice," said Sirius. Farm people were usually nice on TV; he supposed it was just another of their values. But it was a little jarring, still, even after all these years, for Sirius to come home to someone who treated him this warmly.

"And you are so polite," Rachel replied. "You'll be my great-grandchild's father, then, I suppose?"

"Yes, I will," said Sirius. "In fact, that's why we came here today. I thought maybe we could build a crib for the baby."

"Sounds great!" said Richard. "See those woods over there? I own that land, so we can cut down some trees and use the logs to make the crib. I have a whole garage full of DIY stuff! Just wait until you see all my tools!"

"I'll get a gas mask to protect myself from all the testostetone," Rachel said jokingly.

"I think you mean testosterone," said Sirius. "But, yeah. We'll need a lot of it."

…

Sirius liked to go into the woods to chop down some trees with Robert and Richard. They enlisted Randy (who turned out to be a huge guy) to help carry the logs back to the garage, which was where Richard kept all his DIY stuff. Randy went back to work in the fields (Sirius got the idea he wasn't very sociable) and they set the logs on the ground.

Richard had safety gloves and glasses for all three of them. Sirius felt kind of sheepish, thinking of how he had simply tried to build a crib with nothing but plywood, a hammer and some nails. Richard had all kinds of things. Richard began to work on the frame, while Robert helped Sirius make the railings. Sirius had to admit that Richard was doing most of the complicated work while Robert and Sirius handled the simpler tasks, but Sirius was glad to know that he was helping, and that after all, this crib had been his idea.

"It's still hard to believe Barbara is having a baby," Richard commented, wiping sweat off his brow and setting his drill down for a moment. "It seems like just yesterday I held her in my arms for the very first time."

Sirius looked closely at Richard's eyes. They were the exact same golden-hazel as Barbara's, and, indeed, the same as Robert's, too.

"Yes, our little girl's all grown up," Robert agreed. "She's moving to Scotland, too."

"Scotland?" Richard asked. "Why?"

"I teach at a boarding school there," Sirius explained, "and there's a beautiful little village nearby called Hogsmeade. It's a great place to raise a child."

"So it's a safe neighborhood, I assume?" Richard asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, yes," Sirius told him. "And don't worry. I would protect Barbara with my life, you know."

"I'm sure Rachel will make us some hot chocolate when we're done with this here crib," Richard said as he looked at Sirius and Robert's railings, making sure they were even. "Then maybe we can look through some of Barbara's baby photos."

"She would never forgive us," Robert said jokingly. "She thinks those are embarrassing."

"Are you kidding?" Sirius grinned. "I'd _love_ to see them."

…

Hours later, the crib was finally finished. Sirius, Robert and Richard all took off their protective gear and stared at it in awe. They would need a mattress, of course, but Sirius could buy one of those on the way back to Hogwarts. They went inside the farmhouse, and Rachel already had hot chocolate waiting for them. Richard went to fetch the photo albums.

"I have another surprise," Rachel told them.

"What is it?" asked Robert, taking a sip of his hot chocolate.

"As soon as I found out I was having a great-grandchild, I began sewing a quilt for it," she said gleefully, wiping her hands on her apron. "You'll have to tell me whether it's a girl or a boy, Sirius, so I can add the patches accordingly."

"We still don't know yet," Sirius replied, "but we will in just a month."

Richard came back into the kitchen with the photo albums then. Sirius was so excited to look through them.

"There's Barbara on her third birthday," Robert said, pointing her out.

Sirius smiled. Barbara was wearing a yellow ballerina outfit, complete with satin yellow ballet slippers and a tiara, and her hair was in two little black pigtails. There was a picture of Robert holding her up as she blew out the candles (he was younger-looking and had more hair), pictures of her opening her presents, a picture of her mother giving her a kiss…

In one of the older photo albums, Robert got a little choked up at a picture he found. It was him and a newborn baby. Sirius knew who it was.

"February 27, 1967," he told Sirius. "The happiest day of my life—well, besides the day I married Gwendolyn Goldberg, that is."

After eating the hot chocolate and many hugs goodbye, Richard helped Robert and Sirius load the crib into the trunk of Robert's police cruiser. Sirius planned to stop at a baby store and pick out a mattress as soon as he had gone and the crib was stuffed safely into one of his pockets. As they drove out of the countryside and towards London, Robert turned to Sirius and smiled.

"Want to drive with the siren on?"

"Like you wouldn't believe," Sirius told him, grinning, and they got home a lot faster like that."

…

 **Hey everyone, I hope you liked my little outtake! Let me know what you thought!**


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